Their Cry for Love

What would make you successful in social media?

According to Twitter superstars, success in social media doesn't come easily. But most of all, it requires a talent. "How do you teach that?", "It is very hard. You must speak from the mind and the heart. In clear, you have it or not." Not satisfied with this incomplete answer, I found the need to dig a little bit more. Here is what I come up with:

Where does Twitter success come from?

If you look at all the hours you need to spend posting, replying to people, trying to interest and engage, strategies; you need to work tirelessly. And you need to do so constantly for months before seeing real results. In my opinion, it's not only a matter of talent. There is a lot of good communicators. But you need also perseverance - A lot of perseverance in fact! And perseverance comes from motivation.

Where do they find their motivation? How can they keep doing it day after day, non stop? Hanging out with social media gurus and Twitter Lords, I came with the following observation: The indefatigable need to connect with a large audience is based on a "cry for love". Here are the stories of the ones who have opened up (names are removed). They are not a selection. It's the 3 stories I heard from the 3 major Twitter gurus that I have met:

Some Real Stories

Person 1: 

"I'm the second child of my family. The first died a baby and my parents named me with the same name. I always felt that I was stealing someone's life and not truly belonging to my family... Since then, I have this need to be irresistible in everything that I'm doing."

Person 2: 

"My father was traveling all the time. I was raised alone. After he died, I learned that he had a another family in another city."

Person 3:

"I was a single mom, I was struggling. I had nothing for me. Then my child was hospitalized and I was accused of molesting. I felt horribly alone and rejected from society at all level... People on Twitter took care of me. They wrote me. They helped me out and eventually I was proclaimed innocent. Twitter drives on Love."

These people are famous Twitter Gurus. Where I'm from, In Quebec, the most influential social media expert changed his name from "Michel Leblanc" to "Michelle Blanc". Yes she is openly a transsexual and works openly as one. Her blog is full of interesting studies and advices on social media as well as full of posts on the transsexuals' reality.

These people can't be reduced to these stories. They are visionaries, professional experts and they care and give a lot to others. They have created communities around them as well as rich inner worlds that they like to share. They build on their weaknesses - weaknesses that they surprisingly btransform into straights. In a way they are little geniuses driving people with dreams and aspirations.  Each of them is very different.  

The first point here is that each of them has a strong cry for love that keeps them going, and going, and going. That point is surprising and, probably, significant.

But there's more than that. The second point is that our affective injuries define our Voice. Our flavor comes more from our bad experiences than the good ones. It's in the way we present things when we write and we Tweet.

Our affective injuries or deprivations are our motivation. They define what we are missing, what we need to fulfill, what attracts us, what we want to talk about, how we want to talk about it, where we want to bring it. These 4 extraordinary stories have created 4 extraordinary Voices, very different from one another.

(Should the link doesn't work, click on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH2gZUUMNao

Your Cry for Love

So you want to be successful? What is your cry for love?

With your story, you may answer that question. That question has many forms: Why do you want to talk about things? Where does your heart-broken-motivation come from? Which affective deprivation is present in every word that you type? What is your weakness that makes people vibrate to your Tweets and call them closer to you? What defines your Voice and therefore, your personal branding?

The question becomes even more interesting when it applies to a brand. Many companies would like to be successful in social media. What is the Cry For Love (CFL) of your brand? What are the past emotional injuries and deprivations of your company? Where competition has really caused damage and left marks? Where did your customers leave you? Is the brand really young and new or does it have an history? Where do you separate the personal CFL of the VP marketing and the one from the Brand?

We are used to hearing you say the nice things about your brand. But to touch us, you'll have eventually to expose your vulnerabilities. There and reach a point where your words will find resonance within your audience. Generally, that point is reached when you are true to yourself. That point is your "affective effectiveness".

You want to be successful? Find your CFL.

Note from the Author

Stories are not Cry for Love. Stories are the beginning of introspection. 3 people revealed their stories but I don't know their Cry for Love. Only they know. I wouldn't be fair to them to reveal their stories without opening mine and illustrate concretely what I've defined above as a Cry for Love.

STORY: I was two and a half years old playing in my room. My parents were talking loud in the lounge, then the lobby. The house door slammed. I recall the noise. I heard my mom crying for about a minute then she opened my door. Daddy-has-left. When-is-he-coming-back? He-will-not. Do-I-have-to-go-too? No-you-will-stay-with-me. I-want-you-to-know-that-we-both-love-you-and-you-will-see him-anytime-you-like.

Two and a half years old. Still fresh. Still hurts sometimes. I do love my parents and I know they love me with all their heart. I've never had any doubts. My story isn't that special. My point here isn't to complain. Divorced parents are common - my motivation for becoming a social media superstar won't be that strong. The point here is that an introspection effort has to start here to understand where does our Voice come from and therefore, understand how to use it. That is a key facet in building our personal branding.

My parents break up defined my Cry for Love. It tainted my interactions with others for the rest of my life. It put in me the affective foundations that, even though they loved each other, Mom and Daddy broke apart because they didn't get along anymore.  Therefore, in my little boy's head, should I want to stay with my mom and dad, I had to behave and make sure that they were happy with me at every second. It took me 25 years to reach the point where: Communication is not only about saying what other people want to hear.

CFL: I guess, my Cry for Love today is that I need to be able to say what I think. I need to give my opinion without having to please others. You can feel it in every post I write even though I'm being nice. I need at some point "tough love" talks to believe in a relationship or a topic. Telling a client what I really think, or writing it on my blog, helps me to a certain level to secure myself in front of rejection. That is my affective motivation. That is my Voice.

Telling my opinion to cure the pain of my parents break up is my CFL. It will be until my parent breakup will have no impact on me. It's not my choice, but it will define my brand in social media.

Read other Bastien's posts, click here

Comments

[Douglas Schubert]

"And perseverance comes from motivation." Bastien, this is your key statement. I learned that persistence and determination alone are not omnipotent when it comes to Twitter success. It takes heartfelt personal motivation that you wear on your sleeve. Strength through courageous exposure of major vulnerability. Your story is touching and courageous, just the same. Thanks! -douglas

[Bastien Beauchamp]

Douglas you are very kind. Thank you for this comment!

I forgot to write something in the text. Shall you want to be successful in social media, you need talent.

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